The day after my first very disappointing trial I decided to try again.
Saturday, February 4th 2017, 8pm, 5 grams of psylocybe Mexicana. Still not much but I am doing baby steps as said previously. I am on my own (no sitter, which is not recommended for psychedelics) and new to this, so I am following my instinct and take my time.
Moreover my goal is not necessarily about “THE” trip. Yes I am curious and eager to see the visuals, to have the creative and philosophical boost and all but that is deep inside not the reason why I have decided to start this.
I want to be better. I want to feel better. I want to learn. I want to grow. And I feel that, like every education, it requires time.
I took 5 grams with a bit of old chocolate mousse, because the truffles taste is still disgusting. The mousse was not very tasty, yet. I put some nice music, danced a little. A friend was texting me, it was nice. I did not feel as thirsty as the day before, I did not have the same heat and cold coming. I did not feel it much rising but I felt it this time.
I was happy. Genuinely happy. Everything was so simple and nice and gentle. I was at peace with my body (which is usually not the case) I undress and watched myself in the mirror. I was still seeing the things I don’t like in me, my “default” but I embrassed it. I was smiling, there was nothing but benevolence in me. I had the greatest time just being. I was laughing and smiling, listening to the music, dancing a bit, caressing my legs and arms. It was a wave of happiness, love and benevolence. I remember regretting being alone because I thought there was so much love it would have been so nice to share. But the funny thing is all these regrets, they were not sad, I embraced them, I accepted them and felt okay and good about it. I ate and finished the rest of the chocolate mousse, it was absolutely delicious and so tasteful, completely transformed. All my senses were sublimed.
I’ve never felt so much genuinely happy, without any after thoughts, without any worry. Laughing so freely and accepting myself and these love and happy waves. About 5 hours later the effects were almost gone, it was past 1am I decided to sleep. I was very tired but much at peace, with a smile printed on my face. I woke up this morning with the same smile. I did not sleep very well, my eyes are burning a bit today and my muscles sore but I feel liberated.
The sensations I have today remind me of mindfulness concept. I am like rediscovering everything. Every sensation, each one of my sense is new. And I feel good, quiet, calm. At peace, with myself and with the world. I don’t know how long those effects will last, if I am still under some of the substance or if it was a life changing experience, but I am very enthusiastic about it.
Yesterday as I was enjoying it alone I thought I should share this joy, maybe it could help some people I know. I thought also about after, I did not know how good I would feel the day after but I thought “ok, this is the good path, go on” I remembered some of the studies, articles and reports I’ve read and thought I should document my own transition. Because, I feel I am onto something. I am transforming and I will keep on growing as I go on with my exploration with psilocybes.
Today I created this blog and tried to report as much as I can where I stand now. It’s 7pm now, almost 24 hours since I last took the psilocybes and I feel great, calm, at peace and happy. I can’t wait to see the future.